Saturday, February 20, 2010

Sex Ed


I am a student in the United Kingdom, currently engaged in an Oxbridge education. What I'm reading at uni is slightly different to what I study, as I consider myself a bit like a researcher of sex. There is no A-Level for sex education, but that's no matter as I was still a virgin when I was 18 and wouldn't have been able to even answer a multiple choice question on how to give a hand-job. However, after swiping the ol' v-card I made up for lost time and began engaging in what I've come to consider a close examination into the sociology and psychology of sex.

I have what can only be explained as aggressive OCD, and it manifests itself in various ways. Oddly enough, cleaning is not one of them. My room looks like an explosion of clothes and dishes, but each subject in my binder is colour-coded and in backwards chronological order. I can go months without vacuuming, but am fanatic about personal hygeine and will without question casually suggest some foreplay in the shower if a guy smells like anything other than soap and cologne.

For what is being advertised as a sex column, I realise that this has started off on a rather prude note. I promise from here onwards it will be anything but. I enjoy sex. A lot. I am unapologetically and unquestionably a closet nympho. Not in the literal and clinical sense of the word, but if I have the opportunity to have sex with an attractive, relatively normal man, I probably will. The thing is, I am surrounded by these kind of opportunities. I'm not going to generalise and say that all men want to do is have sex, but I would say a man's priorities in life are usually food and sex, and they will gladly eat or have sex whenever the opportunity arises. Sure, there's the occasional time when he is too tired, but it's been my experience that if you're there, and you're willing, game on. This knowledge has given me a strong sense of power in that sex has now come down to the basic question: do I want it tonight or not? I have never thought, 'I would like to have sex now' and ended up home alone wondering where it all went wrong. The fact that I am a fairly attractive woman helps - but that's not a requirement, especially if alcohol is involved. Add the pressure of the average Oxbridge work week and you've got a lot of horny, drunk students on your hands who are all more than willing to drown their sorrows in a case of VK and in the arms of a stranger.

In the Oxbridge system, most of us are too busy to actually acquire (let alone maintain) a relationship, and most students like myself are happy to play couple for a night, have a lie in together, and then call it quits. My education has been filled with revising, exams, and one night stands. The latter of which take some of the tension away that builds up from stressing over the other two. I've never had an unpleasant encounter really, all of them have been pleasant, tender and quite frankly more intimate than some sex I've had with boyfriends. For one night you can be whoever you want with that stranger, and often what people want to be is a lover. People aren't always looking for a porn style one-off, and I've never been asked to do anything perverted. Except for the rugby blue who wanted to do anal. (If I don't give head, what makes you think I'm going to let you put that there? More on Blues later.) No, generally people want a shag, a cuddle, morning sex, and then to part ways. If I've left before morning it's been of my own accord, but generally some post coital spooning is in order.

I would not go so far as to say I'm embarrassed or ashamed about what I've done. A bit shocked at my success rate, maybe, but no regrets. However, in keeping with the OCD theme, I like to compartmentalise my life. Discussing sex over coffee and lecture notes can get awkward, and despite the sexual revolution coming and coming and coming and . . . well, people are still a bit repressed despite our self-proclaimed sexual freedom. Women are still sluts and blue-tack and such if they like sex. Statistically speaking, I have slept with nine different nationalities (British men and German men are the best, and typically have the biggest penises). The men I've slept with have been almost exactly 50/50 in terms of an older to younger ratio (older is definitely wiser and better). It's all been a laugh, a laugh which I now wish to share with the world.

Stay tuned to read about the sexiest research to come out of one of the world's top universities as I shag my way through term.

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